Broken Cisterns and a Broken Heart

In the spirit of confession and encouragement, I'd like to let you gentlemen in on some heart struggles I've been staggering through this week. For all of this week, and yes, even now, I've been experiencing a sense of hopelessness and dissatisfaction with life. I've loathed responsibility, both at work and with my academic coursework. A life of freedom and pleasure is what I've craved, but I've found that to be a mirage which only leads me further into the desert.

I've missed my wife this week (she's been in Arizona), but that is not the cause of it. Rather, I've allowed the temptation to total selfishness that comes with no responsibility to rule in my heart, and I've rejected the structured joy of living under the lordship of Jesus Christ. It's a frustrating paradox, isn't it? Seeking pleasure yet finding only misery!

God has not abandoned me, however, and his gospel promises remain true: I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Perhaps the most convicting and consequentially healing passage of Scripture God has shown me is from Jeremiah 2:12-13:

Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the LORD, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.

The broken cisterns of selfishness and leisure have left me thirsty, but by God's grace, I am beginning to drink of the refreshing gospel of Christ. Be encouraged, brothers, and pray for me. I am grateful to our Lord for you all.